A Companion Only Ever Focuses On Her Topics: Should I Cut Her Off?

Our friends for more than 20 years, who has overcome several obstacles, her resilience is commendable. However, she's often caught off guard in relationships. Her husband walked away, and it was an unexpected event. Many of close acquaintances vanished at that point, since they had been focused solely on the spouse. It shocked her deeply. She made increased attention to be my friend, probably understood better the essence of true friendship.

The Pattern In Relationships

Throughout this period, many in her circle vanished and she isn't certain of the reason. Her last employer suddenly changed toward her, although she had been an excellent employee, and she left without knowing the reason for the change.

Current Dynamics

In recent times, we've both stepped back from work and are seeing frequent meetups, however, I feel my position between us is to listen. I start topics of conversation and she changes them to what interests her. In terms of politics, she has firm beliefs. I attempt to recommend verifying facts and alternate views.

She has been arranging a trip abroad I've visited repeatedly even called home for some time. My intention was to offer advice, but this was not welcomed. She purely just desired me to confirm her decisions. I've just ended 30 days there she is eager to reconnect, however, I hesitate.

Evaluating the Situation

I don't want in this role that walks away without explanation, but I don't think she can understand the consequences of her actions on how I feel about myself. Right now, I find myself in pulling back. What's the best step?

Ways Forward

You could end things abruptly, but it is seldom a smooth outcome that we desire. But confrontation aiming for working things out takes courage and willingness from both people.

Therapists recommend using a practical approach to handling disagreements:

"Initially involves describing the usual pattern when you talk. Aim for this to be objective and clear and basically what a recording device would replay. Next is to tell her how it makes you feel. Ideally, there's no argument about this. Your feelings are your feelings, naturally. Step three is to question ways you together can shift the dynamics of your friendship."

Keep in mind your friend has a point of view, so you need to remain ready to listen to her. One effective method involves stating to the other person:

"Now you talk while I will remain silent for a set time."

Final Thoughts

Your friend may dismiss all you say, as some people have a “survival narrative”: they have a narrative about themselves they're unable to release since their identity depends upon it and it represents they trust. This is difficult when there seems no clear path with these people, only cul-de-sacs. However, she might start out this way before reflecting on your words. If you never reach an agreement, it will give you satisfaction that you've been honest with her.